We all know that being in a new city, a big place with tons of people, affords a person a certain degree of anonymity, facelessness and thus, immunity. You can do things you wouldn't typically do in a smaller place that is your hometown, where there is familiarity and accountability. This doesn't necessarily excuse you from making bad decisions, but at least spares you the humiliation and ridicule that would naturally follow. So Why, in this case, do I want to document and share any questionable activity? to clear my conscience, perhaps, and warn others against making the same mistake. So here it is, time to come clean.
Today, for the first time ever, against the protest of my better judgment and prodded along by nagging curiosity and feeling that it might be worth it, maybe just this once, so I know (although now I'm ashamed to say it). . . .I walked, freely and willingly, into a...oh god. okay.
Into a Starbucks and ordered, though not without voicing my hesitation to the person behind the counter, a Caramel Macchiato!! IT'S NOT A MACCHIATO! IT'S CANDY! IT'S AN AFFRONT TO TRADITION! AN ABOMINATION! now my insides are coated with sugar and caramel and french vanilla and second rate espresso and I can't get this taste out of my mouth and it feels dirty.
and I'm sorry.
I'll never do it again.
gross.
It's true. I really did it.
This maybe deserves a brief backstory.
a Macchiato, in italian espresso culture, is a shot of expresso with a dollop of steamed milk on top. That is all. The Starbucks company develops a drink that starts with a puddle of vanilla sugar syrup, fills the mug with foam, slathers a coating of caramel sugar syrup over the surface of it and pours a shot of espresso through the top and they call it a Caramel Macchiato. In the real world, there's no such thing. That'd be like walking into a bar and ordering a belgian white ale and having the bartender put a mango-cosmo-tini in front of you and when you look at him like WTF is this he says "oh, that's just how we prepare a belgian white ale." No sense! so people walk into specialty coffee shops now all the time and order Caramel Macchiato's and the brilliant thing about it is that they look like asses to anyone around who knows what's up. The crappy thing is that no matter how you try explaining to them what a Macchiato is they stomp their feet and whine for a large caramel vanilla latte, which is what starbucks should frickin' call it anyway. God! So as a purist, when the subject of starbucks and their manipulation of tradition and misnaming crappy drinks comes up, I get a little indignant. so I thought maybe I should know what I'm talking about and suck it up and order and drink one.
I now have my mandate. It sucked.
***Qualifying Update***
The only reason I was at a starbucks in the first place was because my bicycle broke and I brought it to a repair shop in probably like 10 degree weather just upstairs from one so I was just killing time staying warm while my bike got fixed. I was grateful to leave as soon as they called me. The end.
My suggestion is if you ever need to get a drink from Starbucks, which sometimes you need to do when coffee is essential and there is no other options around, just order coffee. Drink it with a frown and pouty face if you have to and then next time you go to a real cafe, repent and tip them twice as much.
ReplyDeleteOh common, so much hubbub about Starbucks!
ReplyDeleteTheir coffee is decent. Their employees are always friendly, they pay decent and give full benefits to part-time employees.
They have created a huge awareness about coffee, albeit the 'wrong' names. And although they do put some small places out of business when they move in next door, the huge Starbucks craze has given many aspiring small coffee roasters the buzz they needed to start up.
I'm not saying Starbucks is all good, or that I don't feel a hint of shame when I go there. I mean, shit, I lived in Seattle for 6 years and spent about 98% of my time in a local shop.
But I can't deny that being able to order a drink in Seattle or Shanghai and get the same drink is appealing.
And as someone who drinks coffee every day, I occasionally crave a delicious Carmel Macchiato, despite the high price tag. If I can't tell the difference between 'good' coffee and 'evil Starbucks' coffee, how do you expect the average customer to?
Let it go! You'll feel better.
Then open your own shop, because I want to work there.